I'm only writing briefly while Mikayla is falling asleep for a late nap. I'm sick with something and have that feeling of being able to function, but you can tell something's trying to get you down. This morning I woke up with a migraine and was nauseous and sick to my stomach, which mostly passed this afternoon. I wonder if I ate something not-so-good? A good nap would be awesome though. :)

Along with being out of sorts physically, I've totally been out of sorts mentally too, lately. Last week was a rough week in relation to Mikayla. I've also had a few self-realizations too, and thinking about things. I've realized I live so much for whatever's happening next -- whether it's the next holiday, the weekend, nap time, different times of the day -- whatever. I feel so hectic and chaotic inside, and really there's just no reason for it. I went to Standley lake the other day by myself, and it was so refreshing and rejuvenating to be by the water and outdoors without having to rush home to get lunch ready or a nap taken. I realized, or rather remembered, that I haven't been living 'in the moment' for a long time. I haven't been appreciating or internalizing those small, happy moments that make up the tapestry of life, and by not doing so I've been more unhappy than happy. Which is just stupid, because it can be changed. Life is too short to waste it away on worrying about the next thing that's coming. We're meant to have joy while in this life, and yet it's so easy to forget that. "Men are that they might have joy." We get so down on ourselves for not getting everything done that we're supposed to, not being the best _______ (fill in the blank) we can be, for not keeping in touch like we should, not getting projects done that we want to, not learning new things we want to, etc. etc. etc. that it's no wonder it's easier to get stressed out than joyous. Although I must admit I doubt anyone can find joy when listening to a whiny two-year-old. :)

We all have to do things we don't like to do, it's just part of life. I've come to realize there's a line with that though. In life being too short to spend being unhappy, it makes sense to cut out major things that lead to unhappiness. I'm learning this now. I've decided to do things that make me, and me & my family happy. If there's something impeding that, it's gone. Anyway, my basic point of everything is that I'm planning to stop and smell the roses and find joy in the simple things again. I'm not going to waste my time on petty things that stress me out or make me unhappy. As silly or obvious as it all sounds, it was liberating to realize such things.

One picture of Mika in one of Ian's old flag football jerseys, and the other of her going "nite nite" in the box to her sandbox. A new thing she does now, is tell on Ian. He'll either discipline her, or do nothing at all, and she'll run up to me saying "mommy!", point to Ian and say "daddy!" It's awesome!